Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
being a parent
I look back at how I was raised and what my parents was like and I believe I can say that I did not learn very much on how to be a good parent. I am not saying I blame them for what I did not do right it is just that they were not a very good example. So I am left with what I am and my character on how to handle my children as they were growing up.
I know there are countless books out there on how to be a parent but that wasn't something I looked into. I just went with what I thought was the right thing to do. Plus add a second person with you influencing how that is done and you end up with what you have.
So I sit here today trying to figure out how to get my kids to the end of high school and on their own. I think the job of a parent will never end, and I don't want it to. But I do want my kids to succeed in life. As a parent we all hope that. Have I done a good job time will only tell. The one thing I want them to be able to say is that I tried to tell and show them what was right and wrong and that they new everyday that I loved them.
Are my kids perfect, no they are not, just like their parents. i pray that one day thay will see how the choices we make affect those around us and what tomorrow will look like.
I want more for my kids I would like to blame others for what my kids are lacking but I can't. So what do I do now with them at the age they are. I try everyday to show and tell them what I want from hem and try real hard to hold them to it.
What I know now about parenting I wish I new ten years ago but I didn't then so I press on. I will continue to believe that they will turn out OK in the end.
I know I am rambling but my kids weigh heavy on my heart, they are part of me and always will be.
I think as a parent we all want the same thing, our kids to be the best they can be in life.
I know there are countless books out there on how to be a parent but that wasn't something I looked into. I just went with what I thought was the right thing to do. Plus add a second person with you influencing how that is done and you end up with what you have.
So I sit here today trying to figure out how to get my kids to the end of high school and on their own. I think the job of a parent will never end, and I don't want it to. But I do want my kids to succeed in life. As a parent we all hope that. Have I done a good job time will only tell. The one thing I want them to be able to say is that I tried to tell and show them what was right and wrong and that they new everyday that I loved them.
Are my kids perfect, no they are not, just like their parents. i pray that one day thay will see how the choices we make affect those around us and what tomorrow will look like.
I want more for my kids I would like to blame others for what my kids are lacking but I can't. So what do I do now with them at the age they are. I try everyday to show and tell them what I want from hem and try real hard to hold them to it.
What I know now about parenting I wish I new ten years ago but I didn't then so I press on. I will continue to believe that they will turn out OK in the end.
I know I am rambling but my kids weigh heavy on my heart, they are part of me and always will be.
I think as a parent we all want the same thing, our kids to be the best they can be in life.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Wanting
I sometimes wish I was like other people, full of energy, always on top of things, checkbook balanced and with a great lookout on life. I seem to always be wanting to have the balance in my life, and when I think i get there then something always happens. I guess i am on the down right now. I do have something or should i say someone in my life that helps me stay on top. I just get sometimes not likeing where i am at. I wish i was through the things i am dealing with the things going through my life. I know I will get through it all, just some days seem tougher than others. I know others go through the same.
I am getting there. I am just having a down day. Maybe I am tired or just I am thinking too much about money and trying to stay on my budget, which is hard when you have so much going out. I know I am not the only one to have that problem....
I just miss my girlfriend. She lives far away and there are alot of times I wish i could just walk over to her place and get a hug and a kiss......
Being me is ok, I don;t know what it would be like someone else, so I accept me, just having one of those days i guess.
I am lucky and blessed to have what I do. So on a possitive note I can smile. A few more days and I get to see my love. I can't wait to see her again.
I feel like i am babbling but what is this blog for. I need to write more often.....
A challenging day
I am getting there. I am just having a down day. Maybe I am tired or just I am thinking too much about money and trying to stay on my budget, which is hard when you have so much going out. I know I am not the only one to have that problem....
I just miss my girlfriend. She lives far away and there are alot of times I wish i could just walk over to her place and get a hug and a kiss......
Being me is ok, I don;t know what it would be like someone else, so I accept me, just having one of those days i guess.
I am lucky and blessed to have what I do. So on a possitive note I can smile. A few more days and I get to see my love. I can't wait to see her again.
I feel like i am babbling but what is this blog for. I need to write more often.....
A challenging day
Monday, July 19, 2010
It has Been A while, Here I am again finding my way
Here I am with my kids at 1 in the afternoon and them still sleeping. It has been a while since I wrote here. A few things that still go round and round in my head, 1 why do I continually go up in down in my emotions, can I ever reach a balance in my life. 2. When I do reach that balance what will it be like.
Depression seems to come and go as it pleases, and I seem to have no control over it. I would love to grab hold of it and stuff it in a garbage disposal and watch it go down the drain.
I have tried pills and it don't seem to help. I try to watch it coming on and sometimes I get ahead of it and manage to keep it off. But then it seems to sneak up on me and mess with me for a while. It doesn't stay very long and it is not every day but I have to deal with it.
I dream of being like some people I know that don't seem to deal with depression in their lives and it seems like they got it good. I am not a basket case that is for sure just small bouts of it I have to deal with. It gets old....
Having a good relationship helps me allot, especially when I know I can talk about anything and there is no repercussions.
Over the years I forgot who I was, I let it go, the things I like to do, and It seems like I settled to be who I am today. Now today I am trying to get back what I was and wanting to be.
Why did I share all this, ? I want to get on with life, I want a new beginning maybe, a fresh start to be who I want to be even at 43 turning 44 :-). I am finding out honesty is a good thing, and having the strength to share it and be it is a value I want in my life.
I look around and I know if I have the courage I can make my life into anything I want it to be. I have to find that strength..............I want to hang onto the good things I have now and ad too them.
Or maybe I just need to learn to handle my life with its ups and downs better, there is always a way to do it, always a way through if we look hard enough and try enough.
So this is me on a Sunday early afternoon.
I know I am not the only person in the world who has days like I do, some of you have better and some have worse, so I am not feeling sorry for myself just like everyone else wanting to make my life and those around me better....So here is to making life better for myself and those that touch my life....
Depression seems to come and go as it pleases, and I seem to have no control over it. I would love to grab hold of it and stuff it in a garbage disposal and watch it go down the drain.
I have tried pills and it don't seem to help. I try to watch it coming on and sometimes I get ahead of it and manage to keep it off. But then it seems to sneak up on me and mess with me for a while. It doesn't stay very long and it is not every day but I have to deal with it.
I dream of being like some people I know that don't seem to deal with depression in their lives and it seems like they got it good. I am not a basket case that is for sure just small bouts of it I have to deal with. It gets old....
Having a good relationship helps me allot, especially when I know I can talk about anything and there is no repercussions.
Over the years I forgot who I was, I let it go, the things I like to do, and It seems like I settled to be who I am today. Now today I am trying to get back what I was and wanting to be.
Why did I share all this, ? I want to get on with life, I want a new beginning maybe, a fresh start to be who I want to be even at 43 turning 44 :-). I am finding out honesty is a good thing, and having the strength to share it and be it is a value I want in my life.
I look around and I know if I have the courage I can make my life into anything I want it to be. I have to find that strength..............I want to hang onto the good things I have now and ad too them.
Or maybe I just need to learn to handle my life with its ups and downs better, there is always a way to do it, always a way through if we look hard enough and try enough.
So this is me on a Sunday early afternoon.
I know I am not the only person in the world who has days like I do, some of you have better and some have worse, so I am not feeling sorry for myself just like everyone else wanting to make my life and those around me better....So here is to making life better for myself and those that touch my life....
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Spring
It is now spring and the weather is showing us what we have been waiting for all winter, warmth and the sun. I like the spring, there are so many things you can associate with spring that pertain to life.
For me spring this year is about new beginnings, health, being able to breath in freshness. I see the potential of what a warm day with sun can do. What a good day with the right ingredients can bring about in one's life. For me that is what I encourage myself with, that right recipe for a successful life in the here and now.
Spring is the perfect time to see those things, more so than New Years where people make resolutions, I think the resolutions should come in the spring when we can draw upon nature for the strength of vision to encourage us. When we can see change all around us then it is easier to bring it about in ourselves. Why not take advantaged of this, I know I am going to do my best to do so.
We dream of so many things, to do things, to accomplish things, and it seems to me that we wait until a certain time to get to them. I have an idea, why not use spring and all its beauty, warmth, newness and take it all in and let it fill you with what you need to see that change is possible. Something new is what we can have because it is all around us. New beginnings, freshness, new growth. Whatever you want to take from what is going on around you in nature. Use it to your advantage.
I know this spring is different for me then others I have been through. Things are changing for the better in my life. I see things different, the possibilities, the hopes that are there for me to grab hold of. I like what I see and it makes me smile. I like smiling and I hope you do to. It is good for the soul.
Enjoy Spring, it was meant to be that way.
For me spring this year is about new beginnings, health, being able to breath in freshness. I see the potential of what a warm day with sun can do. What a good day with the right ingredients can bring about in one's life. For me that is what I encourage myself with, that right recipe for a successful life in the here and now.
Spring is the perfect time to see those things, more so than New Years where people make resolutions, I think the resolutions should come in the spring when we can draw upon nature for the strength of vision to encourage us. When we can see change all around us then it is easier to bring it about in ourselves. Why not take advantaged of this, I know I am going to do my best to do so.
We dream of so many things, to do things, to accomplish things, and it seems to me that we wait until a certain time to get to them. I have an idea, why not use spring and all its beauty, warmth, newness and take it all in and let it fill you with what you need to see that change is possible. Something new is what we can have because it is all around us. New beginnings, freshness, new growth. Whatever you want to take from what is going on around you in nature. Use it to your advantage.
I know this spring is different for me then others I have been through. Things are changing for the better in my life. I see things different, the possibilities, the hopes that are there for me to grab hold of. I like what I see and it makes me smile. I like smiling and I hope you do to. It is good for the soul.
Enjoy Spring, it was meant to be that way.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Life Adjustments
You hear allot about the benefits of exercise and I have said them myself to others but it is different when you start to listen to your own advice. I started to eat right and exercise and I will say that getting closer to the weight I want to be is definitely making me feel better. I can handle stress better, it doesn't stick around as long as it use to. My attitude is getting better and depression is but a short moment as compared to the past when it would pop its ugly head up into my life.
Whats is more amazing is that I have someone in my life that is right beside me in being healthy and encourages me to take the time to do the right things. that is such a big help.
So for me I am continuing on to my ultimate goal of 170 pounds. Only 17 more to go which may sound allot but from where I started 2 years ago at 234 pounds it is more than achievable for me. Now at 187 I feel great and can't wait for summer to be hear, spring is but a few days away.
So thanks to my girlfriend I am on my way to seeing myself the way I want to to see myself.
This is definitely a key to finding what life has to offer.
Whats is more amazing is that I have someone in my life that is right beside me in being healthy and encourages me to take the time to do the right things. that is such a big help.
So for me I am continuing on to my ultimate goal of 170 pounds. Only 17 more to go which may sound allot but from where I started 2 years ago at 234 pounds it is more than achievable for me. Now at 187 I feel great and can't wait for summer to be hear, spring is but a few days away.
So thanks to my girlfriend I am on my way to seeing myself the way I want to to see myself.
This is definitely a key to finding what life has to offer.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Exercise the Journey
I have started back on loosing weight after coming from 185 pounds and gaining back to 205 pounds. This time it is not motivated by extreme stress from a failed marriage but a need to control my weight so that I can sleep better, look better and control my anxiety and depression. I have found out that you can produce Seratonin naturally by aerobic exercise instead of being on medication. So I started back on this quest of mine to get to 175 pounds. A new goal that I think is possible even though I have not weighed this since I went into the Air Force back in 1984.
I have an advantage this time, I have Xiomara my girlfriend to encourage me to stick it out. She is a great help especially when I would rather not than go at times. Right now I am encouraged because I have made it past my 190 pound mark to just under 188. This makes me feel good because I can see the difference and feel it too. My clothes are getting big on me and I can now start wearing clothes that I couldn't before.
I am saying all this because I do go up and down with my emotions and anxiety. I want to keep track of this journey I have started to see the struggles and rewards of a healthier living. I can say having someone in your life that sees that taking care of yourself and putting time into it is a good thing is a big help. I look forward to spring when I can get outdoors to hike and bike.
I have noticed that my attitude has changed since loosing weight and I can imagine how I will feel when I pass the 180 pound mark I have set. I am endeavoring to maintain a new life style that will last, this is my record.
I have noticed that when anxiety gets to me and I do go to the gym it is the greatest remedy, you burn it off and feel much better and are able to handle the cause of the anxiety with a clearer head.
So today I am off again to the gym looking forward to it, one hour for a healthier life.
James
I have an advantage this time, I have Xiomara my girlfriend to encourage me to stick it out. She is a great help especially when I would rather not than go at times. Right now I am encouraged because I have made it past my 190 pound mark to just under 188. This makes me feel good because I can see the difference and feel it too. My clothes are getting big on me and I can now start wearing clothes that I couldn't before.
I am saying all this because I do go up and down with my emotions and anxiety. I want to keep track of this journey I have started to see the struggles and rewards of a healthier living. I can say having someone in your life that sees that taking care of yourself and putting time into it is a good thing is a big help. I look forward to spring when I can get outdoors to hike and bike.
I have noticed that my attitude has changed since loosing weight and I can imagine how I will feel when I pass the 180 pound mark I have set. I am endeavoring to maintain a new life style that will last, this is my record.
I have noticed that when anxiety gets to me and I do go to the gym it is the greatest remedy, you burn it off and feel much better and are able to handle the cause of the anxiety with a clearer head.
So today I am off again to the gym looking forward to it, one hour for a healthier life.
James
Monday, January 4, 2010
Learning
Not everyone is perfect, that should be no surprise to anyone. Well when I look at myself I can see that. What I see is that I can be more negative than positive. OK, something to work on. I get scared when I see something that may take some effort to bring about the change so therefore avoidance wants to kick in. OK another Item that needs working on and that one also with the previous I am working on.
This other thing I haven't quite figured out yet, it is inticipation in a relationship. this one has me baffled. Does it have to do with mind reading or something LOL. I know to anticipate the needs of the other or expectation, I stumble on this most times, maybe it is because I am thinking of myself to much and stay stuck there, or I am not being considerate enough, I don't know which or any. But I will not stop trying to figure this one out.
I have spent too many years afraid to let out what is inside that I think I have created a safe haven for my thoughts and I don't let them out even when they are given a safe place to come out in. A tough shell to crack. Does that mean I won't try to crack it, NO. I have chisel and hammer and ready to go I even have swung at a few times already. this scares the shit out of me because I am not use to be around someone who really wants to hear and see what I am really all about.
Fear is a crippling thing but everyday that goes by I find more strength to combat this fear and to stand up for me and what I feel and want. I choose now to look forward with a positive attitude for a better tomorrow.
I am finished living in the past with the fears and the excuses, I have reasons now and Ideas about tomorrow. I know I can, I know I will succeed so therefore ahead I go.
I want to open up and be the person I know I am. I will not stop trying to go there.........
This other thing I haven't quite figured out yet, it is inticipation in a relationship. this one has me baffled. Does it have to do with mind reading or something LOL. I know to anticipate the needs of the other or expectation, I stumble on this most times, maybe it is because I am thinking of myself to much and stay stuck there, or I am not being considerate enough, I don't know which or any. But I will not stop trying to figure this one out.
I have spent too many years afraid to let out what is inside that I think I have created a safe haven for my thoughts and I don't let them out even when they are given a safe place to come out in. A tough shell to crack. Does that mean I won't try to crack it, NO. I have chisel and hammer and ready to go I even have swung at a few times already. this scares the shit out of me because I am not use to be around someone who really wants to hear and see what I am really all about.
Fear is a crippling thing but everyday that goes by I find more strength to combat this fear and to stand up for me and what I feel and want. I choose now to look forward with a positive attitude for a better tomorrow.
I am finished living in the past with the fears and the excuses, I have reasons now and Ideas about tomorrow. I know I can, I know I will succeed so therefore ahead I go.
I want to open up and be the person I know I am. I will not stop trying to go there.........
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