It has Been A while, Here I am again finding my way

Here I am with my kids at 1 in the afternoon and them still sleeping. It has been a while since I wrote here. A few things that still go round and round in my head, 1 why do I continually go up in down in my emotions, can I ever reach a balance in my life. 2. When I do reach that balance what will it be like.
Depression seems to come and go as it pleases, and I seem to have no control over it. I would love to grab hold of it and stuff it in a garbage disposal and watch it go down the drain.
I have tried pills and it don't seem to help. I try to watch it coming on and sometimes I get ahead of it and manage to keep it off. But then it seems to sneak up on me and mess with me for a while. It doesn't stay very long and it is not every day but I have to deal with it.
I dream of being like some people I know that don't seem to deal with depression in their lives and it seems like they got it good. I am not a basket case that is for sure just small bouts of it I have to deal with. It gets old....
Having a good relationship helps me allot, especially when I know I can talk about anything and there is no repercussions.
Over the years I forgot who I was, I let it go, the things I like to do, and It seems like I settled to be who I am today. Now today I am trying to get back what I was and wanting to be.

Why did I share all this, ? I want to get on with life, I want a new beginning maybe, a fresh start to be who I want to be even at 43 turning 44 :-). I am finding out honesty is a good thing, and having the strength to share it and be it is a value I want in my life.

I look around and I know if I have the courage I can make my life into anything I want it to be. I have to find that strength..............I want to hang onto the good things I have now and ad too them.
Or maybe I just need to learn to handle my life with its ups and downs better, there is always a way to do it, always a way through if we look hard enough and try enough.

So this is me on a Sunday early afternoon.
I know I am not the only person in the world who has days like I do, some of you have better and some have worse, so I am not feeling sorry for myself just like everyone else wanting to make my life and those around me better....So here is to making life better for myself and those that touch my life....